[place holder] tic tacs

[place holder] #phoenixrising

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

I used to write.  All the time.  In high school and the years following, it was on paper.  Sometimes in fun ink colors like pink or aqua.  And then I got a computer and started typing.  One day I learned about blogs (though I think we called them "live journals" then?).  Over the years I've had various journals/blogs but somewhere along the way I started writing less and less.  Which is sad really, as I have always loved writing.  There has never really been anything preventing me from writing though - except myself.  But even then, it's not like I was telling myself NOT to write.

I just...didn't.

It's not that the thoughts aren't there, it's just that for some reason I stopped writing them down.  I stopped the clickety-clack of typing them online.

I don't know why.

But I miss it.

I miss writing.

I miss a lot of things about myself though.

I miss me.

That's who I'm looking for.

[untitled]

You are everything I wanted.
And everything I feared.

(Apparently I had drafted this in April 2016 but never published it.  I wonder why.)

nightmares

(first draft)

At night when I close my eyes to sleep

demons I thought were long ago buried deep

rise to the surface and cause me fright –

and I awake with shovel in hand at the morning light.

01/16/18

A.R.M.

 (revision)

At night when I lay me down and close my eyes to sleep,

demons arise that I thought were long ago buried deep.

They haunt me

and taunt me

and cause me such fright!

Then I awake at the ready, shovel in hand, at the dawn’s early light.

01/16/18

A.R.M.

Kick the Habit

I haven't done drugs before
-- so I don't know what addiction
or withdrawal feel like --
but I imagine it feels something like you.

A.R.M.
03/03/16

Cracked

I fell in love
but you didn't.
You fell off the pedestal
and my heart splintered.

A.R.M.
04/03/16

Ready, Set, Go

I knew right from the start
that you would never fall in love with me
and I tried to tell that to my heart
but it told me to shush and just let it be

A.R.M.
03/27/16

"Play it again, Sam"

Every song on the radio today
Breaks my heart as it sings your name
And I try so hard to push you away
But you sneak back in hidden ways

A.R.M.
03/11/16

Bon Appetit

My verses may feed your ego
with every heartbroken line
but these words are not for your consumption -
they are for my heart to heal
with time

A.R.M.
03/08/16